Beyond Positive Thinking

We are not moving on to negative thinking. Nope, we're not.

We are moving on to something more than just positive thinking. We don't always have to jump into positive thinking when things get rough. The other side may have something to offer as well. We really don't want to spend the rest of our lives, deflecting them away all the time. Hang in there with me, for awhile.


"I am happy. I am beautiful. I am strong. I can do this."

"The glass is half full and not half empty."

"Look at the bright side."

"There is always something to be grateful for."


It holds true of who we are and they still work, but it's not sustainable.

Here's why:

Nothing really goes away. They will either be integrated, transmuted, understood, or it will create a pattern in our lives and will bug us forever, in one form or another.

Eventually, with a little bit of muscles grown from our positive perspectives in life, we will have to integrate. The yin and the yang. The next step will be like moving on from dumbbells to barbels. We are no longer just choosing between the good wolf and the bad wolf, it's knowing they are both the same wolf. But to get to this understanding, requires a little bit of sturdier psychological muscles. So, I wouldn't hurry to this, if I still struggle being at all positive or find loving or accepting myself very very difficult.

In the end, to fully experience the grandeur of all that we are, we got to learn to be able to master night and day and all the seasons of our lives - and to allow ourselves to hear them speak, listen to their songs, dance in the storms - knowing that they bring with them a message of wholeness, telling us that nothing is here to break us, only to find what is there to Love, in the next thing that presents itself to us.

There is no more running away to the other side. Because there is no place to run away from ourselves. I don't mean circumstances, I mean - ourselves. If a lion is about to devour you, run! If your partner is beating you black and blue, get out of that relationship! Fight if you want, but don't stay there. However, you can't run away from fear, you can only push it aside for a while, you can forget about it for awhile, but it won't disappear. It's not there to conquer, it's there to integrate with.  And I don't mean just fear - there are anxiety, worry, judgment, insecurities etc.

photosource: putler.com

Here's how:

I've written about this in my previous blogs, but not so overtly as this. Let's get on with it.


Say someone said something hurtful to you. You choose how you want to respond to him/her and when you wish to do so. And here's something you can do before or after you respond to that person. Personally for me, it works best BEFORE I respond to the person.

a) Acknowledge that you feel hurt

b) Feel that emotion for awhile

c) Locate where that emotion sits in your body. Is it in your chest? Your stomach? Your arms?

d) Breathe through it. Yes, sit, stand or lie down - but bring your mind to that space and allow your heart to feel it. Don't run away to the gym or have a sugar fix. Deal with it for awhile, have your cake later if you wish.

e) Warning: The more you watch it and the more you feel it, it will seem like it's getting larger and larger. Let it. It won't eat you alive. It will, however, if you push it away long enough, for months or years.  

Like a flower, it will bloom, and will eventually wither away. Stay.

f) Keep breathing. Notice that it will be very difficult to have a long deep flowing breath. Watch and feel, watch and feel. Be aware of your entire body now, and keep feeling that particular point where the pain sits.

g) It doesn't stop there. Here comes the dumbbells to barbells again. This part may not be so easy!

Warning: It may hurt a bit or a lot. This time, you let Mr. Smith in! Yes, you may want to ask help from the Oracle for this step!

photosource: matrix.wikia.com

Ask yourself:

That thing, that word or tone, that judgment, that the person said to me that hurt me too much - Do I do the same thing to myself?

- Have I judged and criticised myself too? Got the answer? Now, ask:

"When was the last time I have done the same thing* to myself?"

* criticised *belittled *insulted *ignored *judged *taken for granted *disrespected *etc.

(This gets harder. In those times you hurt yourself, memories may surface.)

Now, this is where the Oracle (in the Matrix Revolution context) comes in. If you are a Harry Potter fan,  find your inner Dumbledore.

Call on your inner nurturing guide or mother/parent. There is always, within us, a great part of us that is capable of loving unconditionally, that is capable of being nurturing and empathic.

You can begin by thinking of external nurturing figures in your life, if you find yourself struggling with this. If your real parents were not the caring and unconditionally loving type, find if there is a person in your life that has been nurturing to you, family or not. Remember how it felt to be loved unconditionally, no matter what you did. Revisit that feeling. Breathe and let that in.

Visualise, if you are the visual type. Give that self of yours who was or is so self-inflicting of pain, emotional or physical - the most accepting and unconditionally loving hug or cuddle in the mind of your heart. Assure that part of you, that it's okay. It's okay that once you have been so tough on yourself, and that you don't need to beat yourself anymore for not being so perfect in your eyes.

And it finally comes to this:

Silently in your heart, be grateful for the reminder. Be grateful for that person who was the messenger of integration.  (Remember: you are not obliged to like the person who just hurt you nor just take his or her blow on your face. No one's asking you to offer the left cheek. But receive the gift of the reminder. The reminder of which part of us needs our acceptance and uncompromising love.)

Oftentimes, the things that hurt us, we have done to ourselves as well - at least, emotionally. And most of the time, it arises in our reality, when it still seeks our love and acknowledgment. But the sun still shines! Every coin has an other half! Thank goodness.

When people around us appreciate us, acknowledge our goodness, are grateful, loving and kind to us, know that deep inside us, we have been appreciative of ourselves as well. We have been grateful, loving and kind to us too, and that is to be celebrated as well.

I'm not saying that it's your fault that people are not nice to you because you have not been nice to yourself before or at present.

It is simply using the stones thrown at you into bridges. Amazingly, watch what happens to your hurt and to your response, the moment you give this a try. 

More surprisingly, watch what happens to the person who has hurt you after you have integrated his/her message silently within. Prepare to be blown away by the shift of your external world. 

So, stay positive whenever you can, but when the wolf of negativity comes, look at it straight in the eye, let it serve you, bless it with all the love you have to give and then let go. 

On the lighter side, it's like, when life gives you snow, postpone that trip to the sunny South of France - make a snowman. Then, fly to France!