Art and the Path to Self Integration

Have you ever created a piece of art and then stopped somewhere in the middle, feeling frustrated that it's not looking the way you envisioned it to be? Or complete a sketch or a painting and worried whether people will not think it's good enough? I've heard of some, who would never show their sketches to anyone in fear of exposing how they feel about their work. Well, if any of these is you, know that you are not alone and it's not your fault. It's no one's fault.

For many years, the art world has been occupied with realism. A huge group of people agreed with the idea that it is not beautiful enough if it doesn't look real. Why do you think we consider  Van Gogh, Picasso, Monet etc. as art icons? They are our art heroes because they broke the "rules", they set themselves free and they painted the way they felt.

"Art is never finished, only abandoned." - Leonardo da Vinci

It is never finished because we are not creating a product. It is a process, a way of life, a million series of nows. These are moments - powerful, honourable and sacred. Our art speaks to us, documents our journey, dances and screams for us. To drown its voice to imagined judgments of others, is to belittle our creative expression. It is to belittle our feelings, our state of mind, the stage of growth of our artistic skills.

Every moment is important. Every stage is vital. 

However, this blog is not going to be about good or bad art. There is no such thing. It's just going to be about you and me; and how we feel about ourselves and what we express, how we allow ourselves to grow and how we give ourselves the space to celebrate all that we are - through our art.

Creating is deeply personal. It is a pool where we stare, speak and listen to ourselves at the height of vulnerability - which is documented on paper or any medium, which may then be presented to public scrutiny. 

It is almost impossible to authentically create without a sense of flow. To be in a flow is to be in a state of openness, and with all doors open - everyone gets to enter. Children, with great excitement, announce the opening to the world, to come and see inside their feelings and spirits, while adults peek into holes behind walls, and at times, provide a small opening expecting people to come with hidden daggers of criticism. 

Personally, I use art to explore my fears, emotions, my judgments and anything that is my blind spot. If the world is our mirror, the process of creating behind close doors, is myself speaking to me without the filters of my ego. 

It is very powerful if we can listen to our art. The opportunity for integration is immense. For example, I may wish to create a sunset or a forest. I may linger thinking about it for days, pace back and forth in search for the confidence to simply begin. 

Will I end up wasting expensive paint and canvas? Will I know how to make it? What colours would go with what? What if it doesn't work? What if I fail after spending many precious hours on it, which I could've spent with my family instead? At this point, I STOP. I breathe. And I feel grateful that the beginning of my work has already revealed to me what needed integration. 

This is the point where I then tell myself:

"You are doing this for you."

"It's just paint. Buy more next time."

"A canvas is just a piece of cloth. You are worth every inch of it."

"This is about having fun and spending quality time with yourself."

"You will learn new tricks when you give this a try."

"Throw it if you don't like it."

"You don't need to show it anyone."

"This is your moment and every moment is perfect."

"Every emotion deserves acknowledgment and expression."

With this, I ask questions:

"What are you afraid of?"

"Who decides how you feel about your work?"

"Who is on the canvas?"

"Who are you comparing yourself against?"

"Where are you at and where do you want to go with this?"

"Where are you now. What do you want to express now?"

"Why am I painting what I am painting?"

You will notice that it is only getting yourself started that can be challenging. Once you start, you can't stop! (laughs)

"A journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step."

All the thoughts and questions above are transferrable to everyday life challenges. I remember the first time I painted after like 25 years, my heart was literally palpitating out of my chest. My hands were shaking, and I was struggling to breathe - even though I knew I could just throw away that canvas anytime and start all over again. I was so nervous even though no one around me was there to judge me (Hubby and baby are the kindest living creatures in the house!). With courage in my heart, I went straight to painting however I remembered how to do it.

Art is a conquering of fears and a facing of our inner judge. I'll quote myself on that.

The next stage is learning how to celebrate our victories over our fears by putting our hearts on the table.

After we have learned, how to value the expression of our moments in our works - may it be fear, worry, excitement or sheer inspiration or a combination of two or three - we find peace in where we are at. And powerfully, our art has documented that sacred experience for us. 

Every time I see a painting, I can always remember how I felt every step of the way. I can still recall what I learned about myself when I was creating that piece. Above all, I'd be able to relive the experience of victory in knowing not to sweat the small stuff. After all, it's just pen and paper or paint and cloth and a few hours or days of my time. The best part, is that I was heard by the innocence of that paper without needing words nor having to explain myself.

As the paper accepts whatever colour or stroke you put into it, gradually you also learn to accept yourself for all that you are - in mind, body, heart and spirit. We learn that, when we value all that we are at any point of our lives, we know that we have truly begun to integrate our light and shadows. For without both, a painting can't have depth.

Every time you put your work out there, you tell the world: 

"Look, it's okay to be yourself. You can like yourself just as you are, and you can be excited about who and what you will become - because of this."

Take the plunge. Leap into the unknown. Risk it. Have fun.

Create.

Love.