The Big Four O: A letter to my younger self

January 27, 2016


To my younger self,


So this is what it's like to be almost 40! It's pretty awesome. When you were really small, you thought all women in their forties had to wear heels to work everyday! Guess what, some of them actually do.

The next 24 hours will prove to be a great but smooth beautiful transition. Here's why.

I am where I am, because of you. You've made some really brave decisions along the way, and looking back, I am astounded at your level of commitment to yourself. Sometimes, I wish you could've known earlier what you would be like when you turn forty.  If you did, you would've worried less, feared less - but then, it would've limited your imagination of what the future could be like. Thank you for throwing yourself out there, for falling in-love, for letting your heart break into pieces and for allowing yourself to love again. Having a family, was not even in your script growing up, was it? You wanted to backpack around the world alone. But had you, you would've missed out on the most delightful human beings you could ever wake up with everyday. And even better, you got to experience adventure travel with them around the world. It's way better than what you initially, dreamt it to be, huh?

Always allow the universe to surprise you!

I wish I could tell you the road onwards from here, but I'll have to wait until my 50 self, writes back to me what it's like over there. I can only hope that she blows my mind and tells me that it's even far more exciting than what it has already unimaginably been. I am confident that she will stay steadfast in loving herself and others, and carry on her journey in authenticity and her celebration of it.

It's been one magical carpet ride! Thank you for all the work that you have done to have brought me to this place of contentment and inner peace. I acknowledge and celebrate every choice you have made, to have brought me to this delightful space of celebration and inner knowing that the Universe is ever to our favour.

Had you chosen to hang on to misty circumstances, when presented with several crossroads out of fear of the unknown, I wouldn't be basking in the Indian sun right now on a winter's day; typing on your future husband's  Macbook, smiling in  deep gratitude on a Wednesday morning, by the pool, listening to the birds chirp and the watching the hawks fly by. Sounds like the longest sentence ever written!

You have given me the gift of a thousand adventures. You have given me memories like a gold reserve; treasures that I could always count on to bring back the sun whenever the clouds pass by. When you've made those many tough decisions, you knew that one day, I would thank you for them, wouldn't you? And I do. Beyond words.

Thank you for choosing your relationship with yourself and your family as your priorities, all these years. I can't tell you enough, that I am grateful that you have been brave.  You have only done what you were passionate about, all your life, without apologies. I guess that's why I am enjoying the health that I have right now - because of the choices you have made.

I know many times, you tried so hard to be like everybody else, that was really tough on you, wasn't it? It's okay, it was a necessary beautiful journey. Had you not known the pain of betraying yourself in little things, you wouldn't have been as committed to return Home to your heart over and again. A heart that I so enjoy now, a heart - that makes me feel I am home wherever I am.

You cared about me, even if you know you will never meet me, nor enjoy what I have right now. I want you to know that I love you for that. You did not settle for less, even if the world thought, that was settling for more. It all boils down to this moment, and you given me a thousand moments without regrets.

So I close with a few things that I want you to know, before I embark on yet, another series of adventures henceforth:

1) Listen to your soul, like you always have. Trust is a spiral journey. Sometimes you cannot see the road ahead and it feels like going in circles. Your eyes will tell you, you are lost, but your heart knows it will lead you Home.

2) Stay loyal to yourself, no one else before you. Because if you don't, you can't be there for anybody as you truly are.

3) Learn to listen to the little whispers of your heart. No excitement is ever too mundane. They will give you a clue as to the purpose of your life.

4) Wherever you are, know that you are there to love others. Sometimes, it feels like you are in the wrong place surrounded by people who are hurting more than you could ever fathom.  It's not about the papers, it's about the people. It's about yourself and your own journey.

You are always in the right place, wherever you are - otherwise, you wouldn't be there. Trust your choices. Your feelings will tell you when it's time to move on, and you did great in listening.

5) Never take yourself for granted. If no one can see you for all that you are and can be, you must be there for yourself - without fail.

6) Celebrate your victories. Know that every challenge that you have conquered was born of great determination. Never belittle every success, though seemingly small for you.

7) And I will end here for I love this number. See the perfection in all things and in everybody you encounter. You are part, in choice, of everything in your reality. Celebrate that.

With these, life is a celebration. Life becomes magical. Like it is, right now.

Hugs to you! You are my best birthday gift, ever!

And I love you, will always do... Always remember, "Everything will be okay."


Love,

Yourself at 40.


p.s. Will keep in touch again, a decade hence.

You at 39 years old