Raising Ourselves as Parents

This post is as much about self-love than it is about parenting. No, I'm not going to tell you how to raise your kids, but to share insights on raising the little us inside. That child inside us that hasn't seem to have quite grown up yet, and is still at the corner of our beings tucked somewhere still pouting and angry for being ignored and hurt physically, emotionally or both. So no judgement here and no talk about good or bad parenting, just pure and simple loving all of us inside and out.

Some of us, as adults, remain angry, critical, loud, hurtful, restless, blames others a lot and carries an air of superiority who enjoys making everyone feel she or he is better than everyone else. I bet you've met people like that, or live them. Some of us, are very gentle, caring, calm, great listeners, humble, affirming, encouraging and inspiring of others. We find children who are the same, don't we?

In the following questions below, I'd like you to try answering these questions both as a child and as an adult. Can we give that a shot?

Ask the Questions & Listen without judgement with your heart, breath and body

As an adult now, think back of a situation when you were angry, screaming or raising your voice to another:

How did you feel inside you?

What did you feel  you were really trying to say?  

Did you feel ignored, not valued, belittled, disrespected, excluded or unheard at the very core of things?

Similarly, you can think of a situation when you felt calm or cheerful and caring, and ask the same questions. Take one question at a time and give it it's due space.

Keep Asking & Listening; Keep Breathing

a) When was the last time  you reacted this way when you were a child? 

b) When was the last time you acted this way as a parent? 

When emotions arise, and they may intensify, keep breathing deeply and stay aware of your breath and the changes of energy or emotion in your body. If for some reason, you suddenly get flashbacks, a familiar feeling or visual even, of your childhood, you may keep telling your little you:

"I am here for you now. I am deeply sorry that you felt ignored (or whatever is the feeling). I am here to listen and be with you. Tell me how you really feel and what can I say or do to make you feel better." Of course, we really must mean this because there is no fooling ourselves, our little us can feel the bigger us. Both live in the same body.

Keep breathing. Don't hold your breath.

Use Your Imagination & Respond

Use the gift of your imagination. If your inner child wants to be hugged (yes, you can ask your little you what it wants to do), hug him or her, in your mind's eye and then be aware of the changes of emotion or even physical sensations in your body. 

Stay in your Body and With your Emotions Resting in the Body

Remember, keep breathing and be aware of how your body feels, this is very important. This allows you to be fully present in the experience. If you feel any discomfort physically, it's just your body adjusting to being truly present to the emotion. It's a rare experience for your body, so it' may be a bit restless in the beginning. When stress arises, the breathing becomes shallow and fast, just be aware of it and make sure you are not holding your breath, as we tend to do when upset.

This may take some time, so you may want to do this exercise during a weekend or when you have enough space and time to do so.

Thank Your Inner Child 

You will know when that child feels satisfied with your presence an felt filled with your loving company, because s/he is you. You will feel it in your heart and in your body. Thank your inner child for giving you the chance to say what s/he wanted to hear and do/give what s/he needed to receive from you.

This may or may not be a one shot deal of course, depending on the depth of need and trauma that you have undergone as a child. We give a lot of our time to other things, surely we can give time to our inner child as much as it needs. If we don't, we are doing what some of our parents have done to us - spending less quality listening time with us as a child.

If we don't give ourselves our loving attention and time, how can we demand it from others? And yes, we can be our own parents too!

The Result

This upset, angry and critical little us inside, will begin to grow up. Because it's done being the child, it's feeling loved now and ready to embark into adulthood. Cheers to the new adventure!

All my love,

Mataji