Buy Yourself Flowers

I wonder if it is uncommon really, or have I just been surrounded by many people who are not crazy in-love with themselves.

Do I love myself? Unashamedly, most of the time, YES! But I used not to so much. It's a long story I am willing to tell, but perhaps on another blog post. Hint - it's called - the dark D.

Yup, Darth Vader's Depression - about more than a decade and a half ago. Maybe now, you'll have a clue why I rally about buying ourselves flowers.

Are you in-love with yourself? No, really, I want to know.

When my daughter prances around the living room telling herself (audibly, yes) "I'm cool, I'm so cool!", I giggle, but I don't stop her. After all, once children become adults, many of us start parenting ourselves more with a rod in our hands, saying to our faces in the mirror:

"You're not thin enough."
" You haven't accomplished enough to gain my approval."
" Prove to me your worth."
"Make me proud of you."
"You are not fast enough."
"You are not good enough."

"And then maybe, you deserve a smudge of admiration, from me. And even when others think you are already doing well, don't flatter yourself, I've got high standards. No kudos for you yet, just in case you slow down and forget that it's death to be left behind in the dust of society's doing race for a gold medal."

How many of us speak to ourselves inside our heads this way? Then we wonder why we are depressed or sick or are surrounded by people who just act and speak the way we do to ourselves.

We are all already too familiar with this, aren't we? What can we do about it, is the next question. The good news is - many! But the reply might be a little odd.

But here it is:

Step 1: Accept and love that voice. In other words, begin by withholding judgment to that voice inside you which sounds like a stern, cold, insecure and unforgiving beast. That voice needs your love, not your punishment. It only harms itself, because it has felt harmed in many ways in the past.

Step 2: Silently and gently with all your heart, ask that voice, what it needs. And listen, without filter, and without judgment.  Or simply feel its fears and pains, and it will already feel your loving presence and attention.

Most likely, it will ask for your unconditional acceptance and unconditional love. It will ask you to be okay with him or her.

Step 3: Tell that voice (need not be audible, just from the heart, it may need no words, but feel free to use words if it feels right to you)

"It's okay, it's okay. I accept you and I love you." "I am here to listen, is there anything else you would like me to know (not in a sarcastic spirit, of course)."

And then actually close your eyes and listen. And let it speak. It may help to put both your palms on your chest. Just keep on assuring it of your unconditional love. Close your eyes and keep breathing as you listen.

Step 4: Pamper your self like a child, but by a parent who truly cares. A scoop of ice-cream twice a month, won't hurt. Buy yourself the little stuffs you've always wanted, buy those shoes you've been glancing at for months on the display window, have that haircut you've always wanted etc.

Yes, we can be our own unconditionally loving and truly caring parent.

Step 5: Get yourself those flowers and chocolates you've been waiting for your boyfriend or husband to give you. Write yourself a gratitude note, for all the wonderful things you've done! Remember the previous blog on "3 Ways to Love Ourselves 2016"? Give them a try!

Yes, we can be our own lovers.

You might say, but it's different if it's coming from others - it makes it real and convincing that I'm really lovable.

Here's the good news and the bad news at the same time:

No one will be convinced of your worth, unless you do first.

It doesn't feel real at times, because we can't really feel we exist since we haven't listened or paid attention to ourselves for ages.

Step 6: Set dates with yourself. When was the last time you had lunch alone with yourself, took a walk alone, watched a movie alone or had coffee alone with a journal in your hand and just letting yourself talk/whine/babble through writing?

This doesn't mean we don't need anybody of course, but we will run them dry if we insist only others can make us feel we exist. They will never succeed, because you are NOT there in the first place. Where will they find you if we don't know where we are, ourselves?

I'm sure many of us have embarked on the journey of self-love. Perhaps even many have this as a way of life, and yes, I know a few! But if it is not too familiar, I'd love for you to take baby steps into it and I'm here to listen all about it.

All my love,
Mataji