A Blog for My Father

Dearest Tatay,

You wouldn't take my last call because you were chilling under a blanket to be brought to the hospital. In our latest conversation, you said, "write about it, write about it". You wanted to save my travel money and not to spend it on babbling away with you my adventures in North India and Nepal. I did not get to write about it as we were very busy hopping from one place to another really fast trying to see as many places as we could. I also found Rs. 40/60 per hour with slow internet servers futile. I thought let me come back to Kodaikanal and write in my computer in my own time.

I just always thought you will always be there waiting to read my blogs. You and nanay have always been my biggest fans. You would read all my blogs, all my articles, let me ghost write for you in a newspaper and let me take the money for it and - yes, I even caught you reading my journal when I was in high school. When I raved about the perceived intrusion of my privacy, you quickly went to grab your journal and handed it to me saying " Here, you could read mine too!".

How can I now rave about the exciting adventures of these mystical lands now that you are in Intensive Care with a machine plugged in your throat helping you to breathe and a tube inside your stomach to eat. Is it fair to ask you to wake up and return to your ailing body so I could have you joining me in excitement, praising my love to express my thoughts in written words (just like you)? Is it fair to ask you to fight a battle for life so you could keep on reading my love letters to you? You've fought a good fight in your life. You left home searching for God in the forests of Thailand shaved in a robe with your family wondering about where you were. You've raised two strong beautifully inspired children, you've empowered your wife and given your unconditional love to her, you have served your people in blood, sweat and tears and you've knelt in prayers to your God your entire existence.



I still look forward to return to India with you as you hoped. Our travels together in India and Thailand were probably the most remarkable gift I had as a daughter. Just the two of us. A father and a daughter exploring new lands together. We had one hell of a time. We never fought in those trips(miraculously), we just shared our "Oohs" and "Aahs" of what was in front of our eyes. How many daughters get the chance to have a time alone with their dads just traveling for the sake of hitting the road? We both just thought we could keep on doing it.We always shared our boundless optimism in life. Let's do it again Tay. Choose the spot! Wake up and let's keep on writing our journals.



As I imagine you in your hospital bed, flashes of memories of you laying your hands on my head praying for me everytime I got sick. You also would massage my head and shoulders vigorously when I complain of a backache or a headache even if we were on the road or restaurants or offices. You would never deny me your healing presence. You trained me to heal and sent me to be trained in the different forms of healing of all faiths and cultures. You said, "you will need to learn how to heal your own child once your grow up and become a mother".

Receive my prayers and the love and light from the hands that intercede the Great Energy that will restore your mind and body in balance. The holy angels and saints have been summoned and the great Masters heed our calls. The elements of air, water, fire and ether are brought together in unity. My Catholic faith brought me to light my candles and pray to the Mother Mary and Jesus. Rahul's oil lamps are lit and the water, milk, flowers and fruits have been offered. Your Buddhist heart has been honored with Tibetan prayer flags, lamps,bells and singing bowls. My friends of all faiths are praying with their hearts. Above all, it is the same love and gratitude that summons that One Source of Healing.

We have said our goodbyes too many times Tay. We have had our long conversations about death and life. I would take loans to be able to see you and nanay every six months - but this time you asked us to see the other family (in-laws in North India) whom we have not visited ever. It healed Rahul and he has come to a full circle. It was your gift to him. We were showered with love there even as we broke away from their most cherished traditions of arranged marriages within castes. We deprived them the honor of choosing a bride for their son and celebrating their many rituals from engagement,to marriage to pregnancy and birth of their grandchild. They were deprived of our wedding and in witnessing their fist grandchild growing up. They played together without a common language but love and smiles and hugs. They bonded right away. Your choice to sacrifice Christmas without us has healed two families.

I hope to see you without tubes when I come Tay, so you could hear the stories you wanted me to write about. Thank you for all these beautiful years. Let's make more of them while your awake without sleeping pills taking your days away from you.

I never doubted you knew how much I love you, as well as I have always felt your boundless love and presence in my life all these years. Hang on Tay and wait for me.