On Depression: A Letter To My Father

Dearest Loving Tatay,

May this mail find you awake and not numbed by sleeping pills. Mind that this mail is not to convince you to take the Malaysia trip.This is just a talk, like one of those many talks we have as a father and a daughter or as a family. We have just spoken on the phone, but with time not on our side when it comes to phone calls, I will take the liberty to express myself exhaustively in an e-mail.

I grew up knowing you to have iron will. It is a legacy you are passing on to us and to Srishti. Your stubborness in creating changes have caused changes in peoples lives in the community. Romantic, death maybe - I am not going to talk about that in this mail. I am going to talk about life, a life that is not meant to be tiresome, not meant to be a struggle and not meant to boring. You have taught us all to live.

Depression is not a foreign word for me. You are aware of that. Though I never succumbed to medications, it doesn't mean I don't know the heaviness, the drag and the lethargy that comes with it. It( my depression)was the greatest battle of my life. I speak with pride and with valor to claim my victory over it. It was my greatest teacher, the darkness that brought me to light perennial.

I call on your WILL, Tay. I call on your DETERMINATION. I call on your FAITH. The latter is your greatest strength.

Take it one day at a time. Conquer one small difficult task at a time. And move on to bigger strides to rise above it without focusing on what you are rising on, but where you choose to head to. Sleeping pills are both physically and psychologically addictive. This is no easy task and I will never underestimate the power of biological changes that was formed by our mind. I teach Health Psychology this semester.

We are all here for you, but this is a personal journey for you.

I summon all the love that you have and needed to raise us and become the person that you have become. Use it. Succumb not to the debilitating fears and worries brought by the chemical changes we only created. Take a lifetime of a journey, EVERY DAY. It's all that we have. This moment. Distract your mind when it plays tricks on you. Breathe in all the life energies that you need. Breathe out the toxins of the past.

Hang on to HOPE. The hope of living a life in a moment not limited by disease or infirmity. The hope of continued service and adventure in a solitude that is alive and powerful, not the one, that brings our being into slumber.

Every single day, literally every day, I discover the power of your gifts in my life; and thus blessed the life of my family. Every victory, every confidence and every strength that I could draw on, brings me back always to the gifts you have sowed in me. Do not be tired. Bless your grandchildren with the light of your creativity and energy, the power of your initiatives and the honor of your physical presence.

Life never ends. All I ask for, is that you choose to be fully alive now, Just in the NOW.


With Love,
Nene, Rahul and Srishti