Facing the Change

The sun came out today. In a few minutes, the clouds will re-appear. I can see it coming from the sky.

I was drenched in rain working til wee hours at night crossing the large misty lake as it swells up in the monsoon. The powerful rustles of the waterfalls along the way brings greetings to my quiet but disturbed melancholic heart.

I have verbally resigned to our Principal. Have been stopped and discouraged to leave by our Vice-Principal. My decision is clear. I am taking a leap. But since that day, I started looking around with fresh eyes, looking silently at the mountains, the trees, the lake - that I will sorely miss in exchange for a bustling awfully spotless metro of (possibly) Singapore in 8 months.

I am unsettled with the fact of not knowing where to spend Christmas and with whom. As we wait for my mother's passport application, the time - tick tocks. I am finding no incentive to hurry up so I can leave and fly somewhere where there is sun with my family.

The work mounts up, the time shortens. I can feel the slow strangling pressures around me.

And then, one of our boys fell off the roof and left blood splattered in our covered court. At 14, he crossed oceans to learn a language that the world shares at the expense of her mother's warm embrace, I ask - Is it worth it? And then I see another young child who asked him to climb up the roof, without words. My heart crunches and swallows itself whole.

Year after year in this blessed place , I do something new. Though it is what most people perceive as going up, I just perceive it as growing up. Every year I feel I have never worked this hard in my life, until the next year where it offers more work, more challenges - it continuously requires a resilient spirit.

I keep Robin Sharma's words for now:

" Live Wisely, Love Well and Serve Greatly "

I don't know if it comforts me; but I believe that these words are no strangers to my daily existence.