When Words Saved My Tears...

Intertwine

And
too much
tenderness
turned him
away.

Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal




Howrah Train Station

The soft green pastels
of the AC II train
slowly turned into
a haze as I slowly
closed my eyes to fall
into deep slumber
as the cool air
sedates my body
and I stretch me legs
to keep with me
my last memory
of seeing you
sticking your face
on my tinted window
as I knock back
to tell you
"I see you.."

Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal




Answer Me...

If you cannot join me
in my darkness
or weep as my heart breaks
I will ask what love is.
Will you buy me cigarettes
in the morning?
and serve me whiskey for lunch?
If you won't
I will ask what love is.
Can you see me in my empty eyes?
then feel the void in your heart?
If not, I will ask what love is.
In my asking
will you ask with me?
And if you shall
I will know what love is.



Mataji Tolentino Villareal
Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal


Sangam

The ochre sand
dance like the derbies
whirling in trance
beneath the Gangaji bridge
You came to let me see
with your eyes partly closed
the Sangam sunset
with the wind and sand
kissing your face
like falling leaves
on a windy day.


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal

Inside My Shirt

I stand up high
no curtsies or lie
wear my jeans
no lace on my seams
I write my poems
no theories shown
I jog with you
not walk behind you
for I am I
not you but I.

Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal

At The Balcony

I may not have eyes
to see you
but I have a heart
that doesn't need
to look.


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal


Bring Me Home

Will you break
the law
of a thousand generation
to be with me
if you knew
you could love
me
the way you are?


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal

Can I Love You?

Can I love you
and also need you
and use you
and do as I please.
Can I love you
and let you catch me
or pick me up
when I fall.
Can I love you
and let me be weak
vulnerable
and even afraid.
Can I love you
even when I
no longer need you
when I already soar
and do not fall.

Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal

Silent People Of The Ricefields

I miss the
villages
who would
take me in
because
they liked
my laughing eyes
without
asking
my name.


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal


R.I.P.

Maybe it's time
to be safe
and be spared
with the job
to create
and go back
to Jesus.


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal


Think

I asked
my self
what was
thinking
after doing
a really
clowny act
only to realize
I dont really
think at all.


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal


Yep

I'm just
a sick
sick
girl
in a
sane
sane
world.


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal


Cold Fish

Carried away
by the dramas
of life
I forgot
I was made
of ice.


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal


Tintin

Her silence cannot be seen
in her faint shy smile
for beneath those smiles
are raging pains
choked by the years
of fears that obey

She laughs like a woman
with a young little girl
locked within those strong gaze
she aches to flow like river
but she stumbles on the
pebbles in the water

Her tears witheld
until it was graced
by a death of a mother
that brought her life
and granted her
the freedom that plays
in the sun

She walks with her
conquered spirit
unbreakable will
awaiting for
that final day
where her heart
is free to beat
with her own music

Her paintings line her walls
unnoticed by the people
she begs for love
her books pile
as she reads them
in terror
a diploma for love
and acceptance

Tintin
a cute pretty child's name
but she is far
from being a child
she is an adult
before she could walk
she is a mother
before she could be herself

But the colors
and the striaght lines
that do not bend
speak of her
loud enough
for her tears
to fall
as she brushes her teeth

Can you feel her fears
as she laughs at her jokes
can you feel her anguish
as she carries on her task
you will hear
when you paint straight lines
that do not bend.



Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal

M

I hardly talked
with boys in high school
but I liked your
disarming smile
sweet, pure and
innocent eyes
and you let me
laugh with you
as I am
without having to be
pretty or wise
but one day
you did not
come to class
nor the days after that
then your bestfriend
came to me to give me
a message from you
and talked to me
without words
but signed with his hands
and he told me
I already know
that you will leave
high school
loving me
you are too young
to be in that coffin.


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal

Pangok

You are nine
years young
with those
Tibetan eyes
and ready smiles
when you laid
in bed with
your mama
asking her
to hug you
and telling her
you won't see
sunshine tomorrow
your fragile heart did not wait
for me to
grow up
to tell you
I'm sorry.
I was eighteen.

Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal

Joy

Your daddy
kicked you
to the fences
that broke
with your bones
your mommy
watched helplessly
in-love with
your daddy.


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal

Mother

My tears
begin
to fall
even
before
I
pick up
my pen.


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal


Books

I burned
my books
to leave my room
that I may
walk the streets
to know
how to read.


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal


She'll Be A Lady

Mommy said I was
too grand for
the Universe
that no man
on earth
could contain me
Daddy replied
he fears that day
for he knows
I would shake
the earth
to take him
with me
My brother
replied in
silence..

Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal

Spain

I had an uncle
my father's best friend
who said
one day
I'll kneel
on unscathed knees
and bow
my proud head
to the ground
that will claim
my heart
"one day.."
he said
with a sheepish smile.


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal


Ten Years

They cried
and cried
while I watched them
drown and
swim in their
tears that
never rolled
on my cheeks.


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal


They Said I Was

They called me
by my father's name
and smiled
as I pass by
wearing my University
on my sleeves
they waved at me
while I sat
on a truck
with baloons and flowers
and silver crown
on my head
and painted face
they called me
friend
so I took them
to my room
to read the poems
I wrote
They lost their smiles
to laugh
while they fold
my papers
to throw them
into the fire
and said goodbye
calling me
my father's name.


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal

The Nights Where I Couldn't Write

I went
to the ocean blue
to hear
a thousand chains
dragged on
marble floors
I went
to the mountain green
to smell
the stench
of rotting flesh
So I hid
in my room
and bolted the doors
to pick up
the chains
and smell the stench
to lay dead
on my bed
for the ocean
to take me away
while the
mountains
watch over me.

Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal

England

She scratches
Mary's back
til it bleeds
for years
and pinches
her thighs
til it
turns blue
because
her daddy died
and her mommy left
but Mary knew
those days will end
when she posted
that add
to be saved
by a man
who will
bring her
to the white man's land.


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal


Peer

Show me your scars
but don't tell me
your proud
Tell me your dreams
but don't tell me
you tried
Cover your pains
but don't tell me
you felt
Call on your rage
but don't tell me
you heard
Weep and Scream
but don't tell me
your free
Because I don't have
your scars, your dreams
or your rage
nor your pains
Hide
because you make me
smell my
rotting corpse.


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal

The Indifferent Child

Shush
little girl
for you have
the freedom
we never had
Shush
little girl
you have dreams
never granted us
Shush
little girl
you tread
the roads
we never took
So don't sway me
with your tears
nor rock
my house
with your rage
because
you have everything
we never had
So
Shush.


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal

Self-Definitionz

College
I ran to
that lonely
place
of forever
strangers
to hide
from my
father's shadow
where people
constantly
loved me
for what I
represented
and daddy said
I'll be alright
as long as I
tell them
who
my father is.


Copyright ©2001 Mataji Villareal