The human race has committed crimes of passion in the name of this phenomenon. Beautiful relationships have ended as a result of this common enigma. Peace, shattered.
Sometimes, this overwhelming force can shake our bodies and cloud our minds. It is an interesting energy that sweeps through some of us in varying degrees. It is like showering boiling water, while we are not looking which side we turned the shower knob on. It can take us by surprise.
We wonder why some are eaten away alive by this emotion, while others can more easily breeze through it. Jealousy is an emotion like any other. You feel this somewhere sitting in your body and your mind stirs this into a spread across your being. It is neither right nor wrong. It's just there when it's there.
Simply put, what are the taglines of jealousy?
You are taking away what is mine.
I want what is yours.
I don't want to lose you.
There is an obvious common denominator here: possessive pronouns (yours and mine) and the verb "want".
Then, there are the revealing roots and branches of self-mutilating self-doubts, comparisons and lack of clarity and insecurity over one's worth.
Am I not good enough?
Does s/he think the other is better than I am?
People will think I am not worthy.
Others are better than me.
In addition, the impressions and memories of the past are exhumed.
My mother did exactly the same thing.
I was made to feel this way too when I was a child.
It's happening all over again.
That's it. I am unlovable since the beginning of time.
Thus, we hit the panic button, like a juicer without a cover. Everything spills out all over. We begin to scream, to wail, to go mad, to mope, to blame and to attack others. Just like when we were kids. We act out. As adults, we now feel we have the power to threaten others.
It's unfair to simply say "Don't be jealous". This will be just like saying, "stop thinking or stop remembering your pains and hurts". The mind is a gargantuan force, you either have to be mad or a saint, to actually be able to navigate through and beyond the myriad of knotted thoughts. Or may have just had the luck of great parenting and a happy childhood.
We are simply being invited to sit and have a cup of tea with jealousy. Perhaps, proceed to an intimate afternoon with the feeling; and embrace it warm and gently, and rock it slowly to a state of slow slumbering acceptance. It is like holding both its hands, and gently squeezing it into "okayness" and tell it "I got you. Breathe with me baby. Allow me the honour to hear you out."
Jealousy might repeat itself again and again like a broken record. But you will be available to hold and listen, again and again, like an endless rope of love and patience. You will not run away when it pushes you away. You will not shush it with sugar, music, entertainment or drugs and alcohol. You will not scream nor break plates along with it. You will simply have its back, always present, always available.
Step into the room of jealousy. Keep all doors and windows open, but step into the room. All it needs is for you to show up for it, unlike the others who did not, when it was in its infantile state of hurt and rejection. Way before before it turned into jealousy. It is an overgrown hurt child.
Jealousy is like a wounded adult forced into a suit, without having known what its like to dance naked in the rain without shame and criticism. All it needs is for you to scoop it around the waist with tenderness, slowly dropping and leaving behind the umbrella of safety.
You begin to walk forward together, side by side, under the dark cast skies until you feel the raindrops tickle. And then you find that you could laugh again a little. And maybe sway a little too and whisper in its ears:
"I am here for you. I breathe with you. I will watch you sleep tonight and will still be right here for you when you wake up tomorrow."
Sometimes, all jealousy needs is to be touched. So it may remember that it's okay to exist just the way we are.
- Mata Ji
Art by : www.RuthMeyersArtist.com
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